Amy Riordan Podcast

#20 Imposter Syndrome with Brianna Wiest

June 02, 2020 Amy Riordan Season 1 Episode 20
Amy Riordan Podcast
#20 Imposter Syndrome with Brianna Wiest
Show Notes Transcript

Love This Episode? Check out our first interview - #3 Setting Goals That Stick with Brianna Wiest.

Brianna Wiest is here to tell us all about Imposter Syndrome and her new book - discussing the same topic - called The Mountain Is You.

Content Discussed:
Website |
Podcast | Get Out Of Your Own Way
Tim Ferris 4 Hour Work Week

Brianna's Books:
NEW* The Mountain Is You
I Am The Hero Of My Own Life
Salt Water
The Truth About Everything
The Human Element
101 Essays That Will Change The Way You Think

Social Media:

Episode Sponsor:
Lenox & Lucy

Amy Riordan:   0:00
In the end, it is not the Mountain Li master, but ourselves. Brianna East The mountain is you.  

Amy Riordan:   0:14
Welcome to the Amy Riordan podcast they see Owning a business is a journey and self development. So I decided to explore just that, whether you're an entrepreneur or looking for fulfillment in your day to day life, get inspired here through interviews like stories and proven self help techniques. What you do with the information received in this podcast is completely up to you. But if you act, you will alter the course of your life in ways you never let's do this. This episode is brought to you by Lennox and Lucy, a collection of handcrafted greeting cards, a company created to assist in supporting the Lupus Foundation. Purchase your greeting cards today at Lenox and lucy dot com. This Web address can also be found in the show notes of this podcast. I got to interview my hero, Brianna East once again, and this time she's back talking about imposture syndrome. Now you guys, if you haven't heard of Brianna Weeks, you need to go back. Check out her other episode on how to set goals that stick She is an amazing woman who's written for Forbes, and she actually, it has just released a new book. Call them out as you. So check it out in the show notes when you have a moment. That book is actually exactly the same topic that we're talking about today, which is imposter syndrome. And I know that you guys were really gonna value this as much as I did. So listen up. Hi, Brianna. Thank you so much for joining us. I'm so excited to have you again.

Brianna Wiest:   1:40
Thank you so much for having me. I love being here.

Amy Riordan:   1:44
So we're here to talk about your book that's coming out in June and it is called The Mountain is you. Why don't you give us a little bit of an overview? What? That's about

Brianna Wiest:   1:53
Short. So the book is the mountain. Is you transforming self sabotage into self mastery? And it is exactly as it sounds. It is a book about self sabotage. What it is why you're doing it. The typical self sabotaging behaviors, how to get over them, how to build emotional intelligence and move your life forward in a productive way. That's pretty much the gist of

Amy Riordan:   2:17
it. I'm really excited not only about this interview, but also about that book, because that's like something that I've been going through a lot, and it's, it seems ongoing. It's like an ongoing process that you have to work through. What was your inspiration for this book?

Brianna Wiest:   2:32
Um, my own self sabotage my own unending, frustrating, infuriating self e joke all the time that I itself sabotaged myself. Sabotage book four or five times. I think I wrote it in its entirety. I had to have been three or four times. I opened up misspeaking. But I think so over years. And I think that the reason why was that I had not fully learned the lesson yet. I once worked with a songwriter who said to me, Until I can hear the last line of song, it's not ready to be written. It's gonna find that books are the same way, which is until I have completely metabolized and understood the lesson until I've really moved out of my own way. I'm not ready to write about it. Um, so I think that I knew I wanted this to come out. I knew that I wanted to talk about this, but I don't think I was in a place yet that I was ready and fully understood. Writing the book almost followed me on my journey of getting out of my own way and everything I pretty much describe in the book or things that I did or do and had to identify and figure out a way around my biggest takeaways. For that, everyone self sabotages everyone does it pretty much all of the time. It's the biggest obstacle standing between where you are and where you want to be. And the reasons why you do it are not what you think. People self sabotage. I think the biggest reason is because they do not actually want the thing they think they're trying to work for. Um, that goal is either unsustainable, unhealthy or undesired, and they think that's the biggest thing. Why people basically making obstruction to achieving what they say they want. It's because deep down they don't really want it. There's a lot more, but that's kind of you know, the introduction

Amy Riordan:   4:28
and we'll definitely lengthy podcast episode that you launch the other day about this, your own personal podcast, which I love by the way, because it really Yeah, of course. It goes deep into that topic, and I feel like it's definitely not something that we can go that far into today. And then, of course, your book which were thrilled about. So I want to know when you wrote this book, was this the hardest one you found yourself writing out of all of your books?

Brianna Wiest:   4:54
Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. I've never had to rewrite something in its entirety over and over again. Absolutely. And I think it was because this was honestly the hardest thing for me to get over. It took I mean, so many years of, like, really hard work at this. You know, I don't say that to, like, dissuade you from doing the work because it's worth it in the end. But this is hardens is and it requires you getting real with yourself and be being willing to be uncomfortable and really look hard at your patterns and your choices and your decisions and the person you're becoming on. I do that for myself, I to take a long, hard look at myself and, um yeah, you know, I think that I'm a human we all are. And I, of course, still sabotage, No doubt. Um, but the big ways I feel I've removed, um, and I've created more alignment and flow in my life for sure.

Amy Riordan:   5:49
So I know that you probably don't want to divulge too much That's already in the book, but could you give us kind of a step by step? Like Like, what are a few things that you tried to get past this?

Brianna Wiest:   6:01
Okay, so, E Yeah, you're right. I couldn't I don't mind saying anything that's in the book. I can't say it all I would need, like ours. But the so the biggest thing is this l sabotage emerges out of having to co existing the conflicting needs one's conscious and one is unconscious. So whatever you think your goal is, that's that's your conscious desire. That's your conscious need. I want to be successful. It is being challenged by an unconscious need, which is the opposite or isn't directly conflicts with the thing that you think that you want. Until you have a way to meet that unconscious need. You are never gonna be able to really move forward with the conscious one, and that is all it comes down to. You think that you want to make, you know in an extraordinary amount of money? Let's say that's your goal, right? And you're sabotaging all of your efforts to start the business or, you know, take the clients or whatever it is. There's a reason you do not want that money, and you have to get really clear with yourself and ask yourself, Why don't I want this? And when you start really asking those questions, it will become clear pretty quickly. Um, well, I don't want it because I'm scared. I don't have to manage that much money. I could get myself into big trouble or big debt. I don't want to have to be responsible for all the people around me. Now that I have, you know enough to go around. I don't want to be disliked. Successful people are usually pretty badly criticised, so it deep down, going, going even a layer deeper. That means we have a need for financial freedom, independence, a sense of community and support. So those are actually the needs that aren't being met, and when you do meet those, you'll find that your resistance to achieving your new goal is it dissolves, it's gone. And the problem is that we try to use willpower and force and try to muscle our way to force ourselves to go through toe, want the things we want. But actually, what we're doing is we're putting ourselves in an increasingly more vulnerable and more raw position because we're taking the fear that already exists. And we're saying I'm not listening to you at all. I'm totally if it disregarding everything that I'm feeling right now and I'm gonna just push through and it makes us actually feel even more insecure. So we start self sabotaging even harder. We want to go into lock down mode. We want to go into safety mode on and then we get completely stuck. We're stuck in these patterns and cycles. We get a new idea. We sabotaged. We shut it down. We're stuff again. We're stuck with the original problem, you know, not realizing that we're not in alignment, were not even conscious of what we really actually want in life. And to me and you talk about a lot is that the things that people really want are actually simple for the things that you want are actually simple. Um, its freedom, its its connection, its fulfillment, its community. And when we can't get those basic needs met, we start a grand izing them. So instead of community, we want fame instead of connection. We want obsession. We don't actually want those goals. Those actually interest us that much because if they did, we would feel effortlessly motivated to go achieved them. And, you know, an example extreme example that I do like to use is like it's one of, you know, Mom pulls a car door, you know, after off the car from after a crash to save the child. You know those extraordinary feats of, you know what I mean when people do that show just extraordinary strength or overcome in crazy circumstances because human beings are inherently, really self motivated. We we are. We all have motives for everything that we do. And if our sincere motive are genuine, motive was to achieve the goal that we say we want to achieve. We would do so effortlessly, we would overcome any obstacle. There is a reason that that goal is either not healthy, not in alignment, not we really want. Or maybe it is the goal that we want. But the way that we're going about it is completely unsustainable. And we have to really read Rethink that Look at it and change course.

Amy Riordan:   10:07
So I want to talk a little bit about being indecisive. I've I feel like a really to this on every level. But, um, I've come across this like indecisiveness, and I want to know how much does that divulge in the way of like, I I want to do I want to be really good at social Media. I want to be a social media specialist. Oh, wait, I want to be a life coach and this is like a constant back and forth battle that I'm having. I know that there's something something seated in there that's like self sabotage. But I How do you know which one? I guess when when it comes down to being indecisive, left

Brianna Wiest:   10:44
such a good question. Um, now, usually and especially in relationships in decision is just you are so clear on the answer and terrified of that answer that you're just scrambling for anything to make it not true, like in a relationship when someone is unsure about you and really indecisive in the more indecisive they are. Usually it's a no, Um, the the phrase that I like to use a lot is doubt means don't and usually here the opposite, which is, you know, just, you know, ignore your doubts and and then push forward. But when your doubts are so loud that you're finding yourself stopping all action, you're like, OK, well, I need to look at this really quick because if your doubts air so incredibly strong, there's probably a reason any time I've had, like, really severe indecision and a doubt about someone or something, it was always a no when it comes to making a choice in a decision about your career and your life long term, Um, the honest reality is that you probably could do any one of those things that you're imagining. You are going to have to make a decision. A conscious choice. Um, I would suggest reverse engineering it imagining word. I want to be in 30 40 50 where I want to be on my deathbed. You know, what are my big values of my big goals from my life? What actions and behaviors now support that long term. So there are were so many things that I thought that I wanted to do or maybe could do. Maybe even could still do. But I really had to let go pretty much all of them and to focus on just one. Um, and this is a problem, which is that almost everyone has, you know, a zone of genius, as it's called. But that zone of genius doesn't usually isn't usually just one thing. It's actually a skill like maybe it's creativity, your inspiration or something like that. And it kind of blossoms out into a bunch of different things that you could see yourself doing. I hear this with pretty much everyone, which is why I could do this. Or I could do that. I could do that. That's all within my skill set. Okay, well, you need to pick one need to consciously choose one that supports your long term goals and visions and values for your life. And then you need to let go the rest and

Amy Riordan:   12:54
you condemn aval in

Brianna Wiest:   12:55
it. You know, no problem. But if you really want to be successful and get out of your own way you have to come to terms with the fact that it's not that you can't do everything, is that you don't want to do everything, because if you did, he would already be doing it. If I hear people say it's a lot like well, I can't keep my house clean and cook and work full time You absolutely can because I know people who do it's that you don't want Teoh And so it's instead just accepting. This is not of high value, a priority to me. So I'm like, I'm not just in my time doing it like I don't care instead of being like, Well, what what other people think If I'm not all of this and that and the other things like, well, you know, screw what they think like what? What matters to you? What? What do you value? What do you choose? You have to make a choice, a conscious choice.

Amy Riordan:   13:44
I love that, and then so true, it really is because I could see myself doing both. I could see myself being on my death bed in having both well, you know, one or the other. But be I really like how You said that during our last conversation you said something to me that really resonated with me. And that's the people as faras like knowing when you're standing in your way. People will get on their website and they'll change to a logo 10 times where they'll change the font color. I want you to talk a little bit more of that in detail. So

Brianna Wiest:   14:14
that's so funny. You said that because I cannot tell you how many people. It's like something I've said in passing a few times. And everyone seems to like, resonate with backs. I think we all do it. Yeah, I actually called it Uprooting, Um, which is that you never give yourself really a chance to blossom or plant deep roots. You're just constantly sprouting and then you're Uprooting and then you're planting again and then you're sprouting, and then you rip it all up and it's pretty much just a distraction. So what you do is you focus on these tiny little, absolutely insignificant details. Nobody cares what the font on your website is, and it's just this big, unconscious way of you distracting yourself from the discomfort of having to dio what would actually move your life forward. This is probably such a random like analogy. I find this thesis Italy such a random analogy. But this is in my head. This is what I what I think about when I imagine Uprooting. Um I imagine my skin qwerty just stay with me,

Amy Riordan:   15:17
so just stay with me, okay? Alright.

Brianna Wiest:   15:23
A skin care became more and more popular and I would see all my friends doing these masks and all these, like 20 step morning and night routines. I'm like, Oh, I need all of this and doing all of this so I would buy all the stuff and I would do all the stuff now again, All the stuff I would spend all of this time and energy and money, just like tinkering with my skin. It ended up making my skin breakout words. It looked terrible. I was spending hundreds of dollars on. It was just like a mess until I realized I was like, I'm really not getting the outcome I desire. Like I'm the more I deeply I go into this the worst my skin is getting because I think that my skin was okay to begin with you know was a great was fine to begin with, but I was over correcting. So it's another word. I live another topic weaken touch on later. But I was over correcting, Um and so I actually got rid of I don't even own a cleanser. Uneven in a moisturizer. I stopped doing everything I like a little face oil. I stopped doing everything in my skin is, like, perfect. And what I realized was the more and more I did this, the farther and farther I was from the results I really wanted. Uh I think this is how the website found thing works, which is okay. Great. You spent how many days? How many hours like tinkering. Did any of did this Get your client? Did this move you former? Did this actually get you the result that you wanted? No. It was a huge waste of your time, energy and money. All because you were so caught up. And how you imagine other people are perceiving it. People don't care what the font is there like what are you offering? What is the message? What is your business? What are you building? Um And so I think we stay distracted. Because once, as we said before, once we do make a decision a choice. Once we make that choice, we accept that we're going to have to endure a degree of discomfort as we a zwei have nothing left to distract ourselves with. Does that make

Amy Riordan:   17:11
sense? Yes, Very much. Um, which

Brianna Wiest:   17:16
is, like, the discomfort of Well, what if I don't get clients? Okay, well, that's too scary of a thought. So let me just

Amy Riordan:   17:22
let me just

Brianna Wiest:   17:23
work ago for a few more hours before I have to deal with that. Or, um, you know, what If I get bad reviews, Well, what if I just postponed the launch for another year, and then I couldn't deal with it then? And the thing is, is that you're not addressing the core root issue. So you're sabotaging your progress because you're afraid of something that has truly nothing to do with, like, your logo, your logos find your sponsor, find like, let it go.

Amy Riordan:   17:49
Yeah, exactly. Oh, my gosh. And and people have said that to me before, but it just didn't really I wouldn't let it click. It wasn't quite there. Yeah, it's okay. And honestly,

Brianna Wiest:   18:00
if it wasn't the time for it to click, That is okay to, um I find that I have needed to hear the same message, like, 100 times before I was ready for it. And then I was like, Oh, I so I The way I imagine it is like I'm walking on this path and as I'm walking and leaving directions for people on people who have come before me on the path they're leaving directions for me to the directions for the next step of my life aren't gonna make sense until I get to that point on the path I could read em all day. It doesn't make sense to me yet. I'm not there yet. And so that's how I received my own work, too. Well, for people who were on a different place would be on a different path. This isn't gonna make sense. It's not gonna resonate, right? This isn't why. But when you do get to that point to that moment, and someone does leave you a map, you know, a guide for how they did what they did or where to go next. Then it's all gonna click. Then you're gonna be ready for it. But it's not until you're at that point. And that is okay, because that's part of the journey to

Amy Riordan:   18:57
as far as little clues. Like what? What are a few things you'd say are like, you know, red flags when it comes to getting in your own way. Oh, so,

Brianna Wiest:   19:07
like, what are the signs of self sabotage? Yes. Okay, so there's

Amy Riordan:   19:11
pretty much just one,

Brianna Wiest:   19:13
which is intense and overwhelming. Discomfort, frustration, feeling like you're hitting a wall, you're absolutely stuck and you cannot move forward. That's pretty much it. Now that will manifest in a lot of different ways. Sometimes financially relationships, whatever it is. But it's actually your mindset. It's a belief. So, really, that's the next thing you're gonna start looking for, Which is what are my limiting believes here? Because there's always a limiting belief at work. There's always a limiting belief of if I let go of this shitty relationship, I'm not going to find anyone better If I, you know, take the leap and, ah, you know, build my business. No. One. I'm not have any clients. No one's gonna buy my product. I can't dress the way I want. I can't look the way I want. There's always a limiting, suffocating belief somewhere in you that's telling you you can't do the thing you really want to do. So it is first that sense of overwhelming stuck nous and then just beneath it is the belief, the false, completely false belief of why you can't do what you really want to do or be who you really are. And then just beneath that are the behaviors that that belief is creating. So it's it's a little triangle.

Amy Riordan:   20:27
Yes, it is very much. It's a lot Thio thio intake and I've never said a lot about your work. I actually have to, like, put it down sometimes and process it and I'll pick it back up and process it. I'm sorry, I I hope that's good. So it's so good.

Brianna Wiest:   20:47
I am reading a book right now. That's like that for me before our work week. Every about 10 pages, I have to put it down and step away and breathe and, like, look out the window because my worldview is being rocked. I'm like texting all my friends and they get this book now Call me when you read it. So I actually, I understand that. And, um, it's Yes, it is that the thing about the self sabotage in the book is that I've spent so many years writing it over and over and over and over again. It seems so old to me that I feel like you're bored. Do you know what I mean? Eso exactly reassuring that you're like, No, Like, I like this. I'm like, Okay, wonderful. Because I feel like I'm boring everyone.

Amy Riordan:   21:31
I think that's the way with any teacher. You know, teacher that teaches science for five years, they get a little even more technical, and the people can't understand because they think that they're boring the people and they need to bring it up a level, you know, it really is good. Like it It's it's really good therapy. It makes you question everything that you're thinking, which I think is really important, which actually brings me to my next topic. You seem very good at self analyzing What? What's brought you to this level like, what kind of things have you done to alter that reality?

Brianna Wiest:   22:03
So I think it started with naturally being very, very sensitive. So I'm very I think I'm, um

Amy Riordan:   22:12
I'm kind of a big dreamer. I guess it would be the way I would put it.

Brianna Wiest:   22:15
Like I have big like I have ah, love, emotional hunger. I really want to experience a lot of the world. I want to see a lot of the world I wanted, Like deep love. I wanted amazing friends. So I had all these things that I had this deep longing for, and I was very sensitive. They wouldn't work out the way I thought. Sometime about 7 to 10 years ago, I had my big click moment, which was when I started putting together my thoughts, actions and behaviors rat, creating the majority of my life outcomes. And people really don't want to hear that. They don't like to hear that. And that is okay whether they realize it or not. No problem. You there on their path. I'm just saying that if you really want to completely change your life, you really want to take responsibility for your life. You will start to see that the things that you're really afraid of are outliers there. Outlying circumstances that are in no way, shape or form impacting you the way your thoughts, actions, behaviors are the way you treat other people the way you speak, how self respecting your I mean, just it's your life is nearing back, do you? So when I started realizing this, I started kind of getting like, high off of X. I was like, I can bend my life to my will. I can't bend other people to my will. But my life I can't bend external circumstances to my will. But my life, my choices, my day and then when I started to realize was almost everything I cared about was 100% in my control. And if it wasn't in my control, like relationships, it's not completely in my control. I was heavily influencing the outcomes of all of them, by the way, I spoke to people, treated people, respected people. And so my life began to radically change. And what I noticed was every time I was hitting a wall, if I could just stop and say, Why am I doing this? What am I thinking right now? Where am I going with this? I could adjust it, and my life would start to adjust, so I I think that's when I started putting the pieces together and then the big ah ha waas I would get into the same situations or relationship problems or really like, you know, negative feelings states and I One day it kind of occurred to me was like, I want this, like, why don't I want this? Why am I doing this? I keep doing this over and over again. Why do I keep making myself feel this way? And deep down, the answer was, You want this? And the answer was like things like You think you deserve to be punished? You think relationships have to be bad. You think you have to do things you hate to earn a life you love. It was all of these beliefs that I had acquired over the course of my lifetime that we're formulating creating my reality. Um, so I do think that in the process of awakening, the first thing you realize is that you have way more power than you think you dio The second thing you do is you start using that power for personal gain. So you start realizing I could make a much money as I want I could live where I want. I could have house I want. And so you start doing that. But pretty pretty quickly. After that, you start realizing, Oh, I could actually use this power to create deep, beautiful inner peace and to help and heal others around me. And I think that's actually when you've gotten to the true, like Awakening Point, which is like, if my power can do anything, if my life could be of service in anyway, why don't you make it about being as effective as I could for myself? Another people alleviating their suffering, help them get out of their own way, too? And then we can all just start rising up together. So I would say that was I would say that was my path. And I'm very happy to be on the last step trying to be I'm trying. I don't know if I'm not quite there, but I'm I'm okay. Let me let me say it like this. I aspire to be for my life. The real,

Amy Riordan:   26:00
uh, so good Also. Good. And do you have? I'm curious. What kind of coaching do you get like? Do you have a life coach or you go for help.

Brianna Wiest:   26:10
So I ate a lot of people. So I have worked with therapists my whole life in 10 years, maybe half a dozen of them. But in terms of coaching at work with multiple coaches, all who specialize in different things, like a very good friend who is a business coach with someone who is a, um, emotional intelligence coach. I've worked with Shaman e work with different people for different purposes, to help and teach me different things. I have multiple mentors, but the I want to say a really big piece of the puzzle is actually like my husband, my friends. So because those are the people in my life on a day to day basis, and they have a very awesome community of inspiring, positive, purpose driven people who are here to make change and do big things. And when I say we sit down to go, you know, out to dinner Weir's we're not talking about other people were not being negative. We're talking about what it was sooner than sit down. I'm like, Alright, guys. So here's Here's what I'm thinking what everything that I do has gone through the sounding board of them on my husband. And I'm like, What do you guys think about this? What should I do? Hear the idea for my podcast came out at my friend's house. They're like, we need a podcast. I was like, Really? Is our shortly after I It all came together, but everything that I've done, it's because I've had this hive mind of people. And I would hope that I'm doing the same for them. Um, so I think that mentorship is important. Coaches, important therapists are important. We all everyone needs to go to therapy, Period. End of sentence. Everyone needs therapy. No one's above it. No one's beyond it. I need therapy. You need therapy. Will need therapy. So that yes. Mentors. Yes. Coaches, Yes, but also building. And it takes time. It really takes time to get their building. Your innermost circle to be the most supportive and inspiring people you know. And I will say this. It took me years to find these people. But do you know when I found them, what I became the type of person that would fit into that circle? That's what changed. So I was sitting and like looking. I'm like, we're

Amy Riordan:   28:09
my people. Were my best friend gonna be,

Brianna Wiest:   28:11
You know, where these amazing people in my life. And it's I was not being an amazing person. I was still being judgmental. I was still, you know, keeping the vibe low and

Amy Riordan:   28:19
doesn't have to

Brianna Wiest:   28:19
be perfectly healed or an absolute perfect person to meet awesome people. But you do need to start showing up positivity and an open mind and a strong spirit, and you'll see things change really quickly.

Amy Riordan:   28:35
I love that. I feel like we should end on that note. I I So your book a mountain is you coming out in June will definitely link that in the podcast notes along with all of your other books, because, I mean, let's be honest there. Oh, good. And maybe your podcast. I don't know when you're preparing to launch the next episode, but we'll get that in there.

Brianna Wiest:   28:54
I'm the first of each month.

Amy Riordan:   28:56
Excellent. All right, Well, thank you so much for joining us again, Brianna. It means a lot. Thank you so much for having me. And we will hopefully talk to you against you. Broke. So by  

Amy Riordan:   29:08
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